It is amazing where life leads you. I am 50 this year. I thought I would be at some other place in my life by now. Instead, this year has brought me to bankruptcy. My ex-husband told my children he was moving out of the country, which I do not believe that he did, but he did manage to not pay child support for the past three years. He does manage to show up a few times a year to see them, not me, he knows how I feel about him. After we divorced, I found out he had been having an affair. The woman he had been with called me and talked to me on mothers day one year. She told me how guilty she had felt and she wanted to get it out in the open.
It was not surprise. I had known her for years and long suspected. He had always denied anything, but it was a relief to finally know that I was not crazy.
It has tainted me. My trust has been blown. I have had to piece things slowly together.
I am increasingly lucky with how well my kids have turned out. My daughter and my son are such wonderful people. My son is particularly empathic and caring. I hope he will make a wonderful partner for someone someday. My daughter can be full of charm and working through her own demons as do we all. She will be a wonderful person when she realizes how much she has to offer.
Now days I am mostly Buddhist in my thinking and philosophy. I only wish I were better at letting go of my own demons that my marriage left me with. I hope to forgive and release. But that will be the day he decides he needs something from me again. Ever vigilant.
Stories and information about brain and spinal cord injury. We are all exposed to stories every day that no one ever thinks up. Snippets of my life and what ever is on my mind. Please feel free to post any questions if you have a brain or spinal cord injury I will try and respond weekly. I have 20 years of experience as a Neurosurgery Nurse. I am not a doctor, so I can offer support and help, but you need to contact your physician for his or her medical opinion.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Insomnia
Insomnia
So long I sleep the sleep
The pain it ebbs and flows
Sometimes I feel still awake
Sometimes I never know.
I dream the dream of patients
I see them one by one
The pain sometimes so searing hot
Nothing can be done.
It is such a better thing
To sleep and run away.
Ah the dreams they are so sweet
I long for better days.
So long I sleep the sleep
The pain it ebbs and flows
Sometimes I feel still awake
Sometimes I never know.
So long I sleep the sleep
The pain it ebbs and flows
Sometimes I feel still awake
Sometimes I never know.
I dream the dream of patients
I see them one by one
The pain sometimes so searing hot
Nothing can be done.
It is such a better thing
To sleep and run away.
Ah the dreams they are so sweet
I long for better days.
So long I sleep the sleep
The pain it ebbs and flows
Sometimes I feel still awake
Sometimes I never know.
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